Feelings

I fucking caught them. For the first time since 2018.

I am in love?

This doesn’t happen to the addicted… or does it? I can barely remember the last time I felt love. Or anything stronger than lust (which to be honest, I feel all the time, and is a vacuous and loose emotion).

I.FELT.LOVE.

What the fuck. I didn’t think it existed for me anymore.

Why am I talking in past tense? I feel it now. I don’t know why. What is it, which causes one to “catch feelings”. What is love? We play in these esoteric, undefined personal spaces, with emotions, with spectrum’s that are not confined by the physical world – the explainable world.

What is the purpose of these feelings? On a primal level, is it connection, survival, reproduction? What the fuck is going on with this need? I want it and am afraid of it at the very same rate and it has floored me like nothing else I have felt in 5 years.