relapse

Somewhere along the line of progress, appears regression. Nothing is permanent, everything changes. Progress ebbs forward and grows… and then it will occasionally about turn and completely disappear.

Need to stop inferring that this was in some way out of my control…

I let it happen.

Returning from a holiday I smoked some weed, and over the course of a number of weeks have become completely consumed by the smoke. It’s a familiar pattern, a familiar cycle… a place which could be called a psychological home. I let it happen. I knew it would happen, though I told myself it wouldn’t. Every day, it gradually began to consume and effect everything.

It feels like a conundrum to note that I like getting stoned, but in reality it’s the same weak conundrum any addict of a drug is facing – it’s that everything else in your life begins to drown because you’re always high or getting high. It’s not sustainable. It’s detrimental.

I had many opportunities to halt the decline, to break free, but I simply didn’t choose to.

You’ve got to be strong enough to make a choice.

I’ve had to make it many times.

Tomorrow I will make it again.

Always tomorrow.